Republicans Online Furious That Dad Loves Daughter (2024)

Terminally online Republicans have found a new boogeyman at the Democratic National Convention and it is … uh … Ella Emhoff? Specifically, the loving relationship between Doug Emhoff, Kamala Harris’ husband, and his adult daughter:

This moment—of the second gentleman and his daughter, 25, side-hugging while greeting well-wishers at the Democratic National Convention—was all over conservative social media on Monday and Tuesday. Lots of people criticized Ella’s clothes and tattoos: “This family is competing with Biden for the title of trashiest family to occupy the White House,” said the right-wing troll Laura Loomer. (Per WWD, Ella was wearing Helmut Lang.) Some compared Ella unfavorably to Donald Trump’s children, who tend to dress, well, conservatively, and lean on traditional gender signifiers. Some went ahead and declared that Doug Emhoff is probably committing incest.

But this response really stuck out to me:

I don’t like to pull out my “As a Father of Daughters” card very often, but I in fact am a father of daughters, and what the hell are these people talking about? What is the “nightmare scenario”? Is it that she has thick eyebrows? Tattoos? That she does not present hyperfemininity the way that, say, Republican women are currently required to? That she lives in Brooklyn?

I gotta say, if you told me that, at 25, my daughter would be happy, employed in a field she loves, and comfortable in her own skin, I’d consider that a dream scenario. Oh, she lives in Brooklyn, a city I love to visit? Great. She has tattoos? OK, I’ll grit my teeth and deal with it, just like the parents of the 56 percent of American women ages 18 to 29 who also have tattoos.

Most importantly, if, at 25, my daughters love me so much that they are willing to behave affectionately toward me in public, I will feel as though I have won the lottery. Indeed, I would not hesitate to say that my entire parenting philosophy is designed to strive to one day create such an adult child. I write a parenting advice column, and the most abject, miserable letters I get are from parents who have become estranged from their adult children. That is my nightmare.

And this is what most confuses me about the responses to Ella and Doug. What seems to universally be freaking online right-wingers out, honestly, is that Ella and Doug really seem to love each other. Either they’re just pretending for the cameras, these conservatives say, or they love each just a little too much, nudge-nudge. These activists are trying to present the pair as the Other America—insincere, creepy, gender-nonconforming freaks from the coasts. But I really think they’re underestimating the extent to which Ella and Doug Emhoff align with actual, real Americans. Forty percent of families in the United States are blended families! Every father I know, Democrat or Republican, loves his very different kids, expresses that love to them all the time, and feels boundless joy when those children love him back! That’s not unusual or freaky; that’s normal and human.

On Tuesday night, Doug Emhoff delivered a charmingly awkward speech at the convention, during which he pointed out Ella up in the family’s seats. As he spoke, she recorded him on her phone; she made a heart sign when he mentioned his 10^th wedding anniversary with Harris; she hugged her adorable grandmother, Doug’s mom, who was sitting right next to her. At the end, Doug’s speech moved her so much she teared up. A nightmare scenario?! I would trade 20 years of UNC losses to Duke for that.

That admittedly very online Republicans think there is nothing relatable, even aspirational, about a loving, admiring relationship between a dad and his adult daughter is utterly bizarre. Do these ghoulish people not love their own children? Do they not tell them they love them all the time? Do they never, like, hug? I simply cannot imagine such a thing to be true. As in so many cases, they have invented a “real American”—in this case a dad who doesn’t express affection for a child, especially if that child looks or dresses differently than she might have in the 1950s—who basically doesn’t exist in the real America. Contemporary American parenting definitely has its issues, but if you’re counting on the miserable-asshole-who-hates-his-kids vote to get you over the top, you’re in for a rough November.